Get all 6 Russell Shaddox releases available on Bandcamp and save 30%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Secret Home, Water and Stars, Savin Rock, A Pair of Spicy Christmas Nuts, I'll Take Tomorrow, and Look Up at the Stars.
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I don't want a Malibu Barbie
I don't want a fifth of Bacardi
I don't want an all-inclusive holiday
I don’t want the monogrammed slippers
Or Gucci gold plated fingernail clippers
I just want a taste of that revenge sorbet
The wind howls, the snow will fall,
But my red rage won’t mind
Keeps me warm when it's twenty below
And I just think that you oughta know
All I want for Christmas is to kick your ass
Then everything will be okay
If I could wipe that grin off of your stupid face
It'd be a perfect holiday
Don't know if Santa thinks I've been nice
We'll have to wait and see
But if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass
I'll be happy
I wish I could be aloof and satiric
To keep more with the holiday spirit
Write something droll and get on NPR
But my mind, consumed by the anger,
Knows I have to roll with the danger
My forgiveness isn't gonna reach that far
So St. Nick can strike my name
I'll take my lump of coal
'Cause my wish list is one item long
It's to give you a punch in the dong
All I want for Christmas is to kick your ass
Then everything will be okay
If I could wipe that grin off of your stupid face
It'd be a perfect holiday
Don't know if Santa thinks I've been nice
We'll have to wait and see
But if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass
I'll be happy
Yes, if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass
I'll be happy
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2. |
The Fruitcake Song
02:49
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You can give me eggnog whether it’s got rum or not
I won’t refuse a toddy if you make it nice and hot
But if you try to serve me fruitcake, I will scream and run away
’Cause fruitcake is the devil and it’s leading me astray
Ancients made up holidays to finish off the year
Mistletoe and frankincense and universal cheer
But then they spoiled it all with fruitcake, the confection of the beast
It’s the chewy evil apex of some dark satanic feast
Fruitcake, fruitcake
As tasty as a tree
Just a bite will make my tooth break
And the dentist don’t come free
Out west they fling their fruitcake with a homemade trebuchet
Or use it as a tire block so their cars won’t roll away
But there’s some crazy hippies smoke it; they’re the ones you must avoid
’Cause if you inhale that fruitcake then your soul will be destroyed
Fruitcake, fruitcake
You’ll be the death of me
Just the thought will make my mind ache
And corrupt my sanity
You can give me crap for my alarmist point of view
Tell me I need therapy, and it may well be true
Still I won’t consort with candied maraschino cherry glaze
’Cause fruitcake is the devil and it haunts me all my days
Yes, fruitcake is the devil and it’s leading me astray
Oh fruitcake, you’re the devil, and you’re leading me astray
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