All I Want for Christmas (Is to Kick Your Ass)

from A Pair of Spicy Christmas Nuts by Russell Shaddox

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lyrics

I don't want a Malibu Barbie
I don't want a fifth of Bacardi
I don't want an all-inclusive holiday

I don’t want the monogrammed slippers
Or Gucci gold plated fingernail clippers
I just want a taste of that revenge sorbet

The wind howls, the snow will fall,
But my red rage won’t mind
Keeps me warm when it's twenty below
And I just think that you oughta know

All I want for Christmas is to kick your ass
Then everything will be okay
If I could wipe that grin off of your stupid face
It'd be a perfect holiday
Don't know if Santa thinks I've been nice
We'll have to wait and see
But if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass
I'll be happy

I wish I could be aloof and satiric
To keep more with the holiday spirit
Write something droll and get on NPR

But my mind, consumed by the anger,
Knows I have to roll with the danger
My forgiveness isn't gonna reach that far

So St. Nick can strike my name
I'll take my lump of coal
'Cause my wish list is one item long
It's to give you a punch in the dong

All I want for Christmas is to kick your ass
Then everything will be okay
If I could wipe that grin off of your stupid face
It'd be a perfect holiday
Don't know if Santa thinks I've been nice
We'll have to wait and see
But if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass
I'll be happy
Yes, if all I get for Christmas is to kick your ass
I'll be happy

credits

from A Pair of Spicy Christmas Nuts, released December 6, 2021
Music and lyrics by Russell Shaddox

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Russell Shaddox East Haddam, Connecticut

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