The Fruitcake Song

from A Pair of Spicy Christmas Nuts by Russell Shaddox

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lyrics

You can give me eggnog whether it’s got rum or not
I won’t refuse a toddy if you make it nice and hot
But if you try to serve me fruitcake, I will scream and run away
’Cause fruitcake is the devil and it’s leading me astray

Ancients made up holidays to finish off the year
Mistletoe and frankincense and universal cheer
But then they spoiled it all with fruitcake, the confection of the beast
It’s the chewy evil apex of some dark satanic feast

Fruitcake, fruitcake
As tasty as a tree
Just a bite will make my tooth break
And the dentist don’t come free

Out west they fling their fruitcake with a homemade trebuchet
Or use it as a tire block so their cars won’t roll away
But there’s some crazy hippies smoke it; they’re the ones you must avoid
’Cause if you inhale that fruitcake then your soul will be destroyed

Fruitcake, fruitcake
You’ll be the death of me
Just the thought will make my mind ache
And corrupt my sanity

You can give me crap for my alarmist point of view
Tell me I need therapy, and it may well be true
Still I won’t consort with candied maraschino cherry glaze
’Cause fruitcake is the devil and it haunts me all my days

Yes, fruitcake is the devil and it’s leading me astray
Oh fruitcake, you’re the devil, and you’re leading me astray

credits

from A Pair of Spicy Christmas Nuts, released December 6, 2021
Music and lyrics by Russell Shaddox

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Russell Shaddox East Haddam, Connecticut

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